I've never thought myself to be the brightest bulb in the box (Actually, that's a lie - I was convinced I was a genius until I reached my early teens, wah wah, gifted kid trauma, who cares). Often, I am comfortable with feeling a bit dim, and leave the hard thinking for other people to do. After all, not much good comes of thinking anyway. I'd be much better off spending that time refreshing my Bluesky feed or checking my messages for the 40th time that day.

But lately, I've been getting frustrated at my own dimness again. Why am I so crap at things that involve critical thinking? I assume it's because I haven't had to do very much of it in my life - but it's still frustrating. This frustration mostly presents itself when I read people's analyses of things like art, literature and games. People seem to be thinking so hard when they're playing, watching, listening and reading! Am I stupid? Is that the problem? Am I just unable to see things that other people see so clearly, because of a defect in my brain?

I hope not. But it still confuses me, and I'd like to get better at thinking. I don't do much of it because I'm not good at it, and I feel ashamed when I do it badly. Recently, I watched a longplay of SMT Nocturne where they kept using the skills that persuade enemies to give you gifts. I've played that game for well over 100 hours, but I can't remember ever even giving those skills the time of day. Why am I like this? How do I overlook things like this? How can I fix this?

Maybe it really is that damn phone. Maybe spending my youth on microblogging sites has ruined my ability to have a thought longer than 140 characters. I don't know, man! I like to point and laugh at people who think "maybe the curtain is just blue" but it's not like I can come up with any other conclusions! Raaaghhhhhhhhhhhhhh ungh ungh ungh ungh (bashing head against wall) Ahhh... That's Beter .... <3

Stopping and thinking is an important one. I think I need to take more notes in my life... a diary could be good. I can play games for "research" all I want, but if I never stop and think about the design and the themes and the developer intent, I'll just ram my head into it over and over again until I get to the end. What's the point in that? Sure, I had fun, but it was meant to be research!!!

Maybe the solution is complex. Maybe there's many different avenues that lead to having a more thoughtful and ponderous life. Maybe I need to stop and think more. Maybe I need to get off social media. Maybe I need to read more books and developer interviews. Maybe I need to play more shoot-em-ups. Maybe I just need to eat more eggs. Chin up, Charlie Brown...

Thank you for reading! またねぇ～